Why INTJ Females are Rare (2024)

Included are about 120 comments from INTJ women over a 5 year period from an article, now deleted, that had more than 1 million reads.

Tessa Schlesinger - Born and bred in Africa.



58 min read


Jun 23, 2020


Why INTJ Females are Rare (2)

For every five hundred women, only four have an INTJ profile. Natural leaders and highly competent they may be, but they are often misunderstood. Here’s why.

INTJ stands for Introverted, Intuition, Thinker, and Judgment. It’s one of the sixteen Myers-Briggs profiles, the most popularly utilized psychometric test in the world. Corporations often use the MBTI to determine whether the person is well-suited to a particular job or not. INTJs are natural leaders but prefer not to be leaders. They only take on leadership roles when it’s important that they do.

Because the INTJ woman is very different, it means that she is often misunderstood.

Her essential characteristics are as follows:

  1. INTJ women respond differently to being told they are INTJ than men do. Men love it. Women not so much.
  2. Fewer than 1% of females fall into the INTJ classification.
  3. When dating an INTJ female, it’s best to give her space and treat her professionally in the beginning of the courtship. INTJ relationships tend to more professional than those of others.
  4. INTJ women are very private, and they don’t share as much with other women.
  5. Female INTJs will disobey authority if they think authority wrong. They are not supportive of others.
  6. Female INTJs are both logical and objective, and they put logic above nurturing and their feelings.
  7. Female INTJs tend to be gifted and/or highly competent.
  8. Female INTJs are more rare than any other group. INTJs tend to be male — about 2% of the population.
Why INTJ Females are Rare (3)

You’d have to know her for quite a while, plus observe her keenly. What sometimes appears as an INTJ may not be an INTJ. Your best bet is to spend a lot of time with her, and then compare the INTJ characteristics with your friend.

As with all personality profiling tests, the end results are only as good as the honesty of the person writing it. In addition, people may be misinformed about themselves.

Although psychologists will tell you that the test is designed in a way that prevents people from lying or from being too misinformed about themselves, anyone with a sufficient knowledge of psychology or intelligent enough can ‘cheat’ on these tests.

Essentially the supposed failsafe is that the same question is asked repeatedly in many different ways. It is asssumed that people wont’ realize it’s the same question and give different answers — thereby either tripping them up or tending to answer more or less the same thing several times over.

The Myers-Briggs assessment determines whether people are introverts or extroverts, whether they use their five senses or their intuition to make decisions, whether they base their assessments and/or conclusions on thoughts or feelings, and, lastly, whether they are comfortable with unanswered questions or if they need closure and, therefore, make ‘judgements.’ Ergo, an INTJ woman would comprise the following categories:

Introversion: The I stands for introverted which means she obtains her energy and personal satisfaction from her thoughts, imagination, and/or creativity rather from external factors like other people, status, and/or possessions.

Intuition: The N stands for Intuition. It means that she draws from stored unconscious knowledge accrued through the years from books, movies, other people, experience, and reflection. Generally, the INTJ has top-notch information stored.

Thinker: The T stands for thinker (as opposed to feeler), and this means that decisions are based on a process of deduction and analysis rather than what she feels. Bear in mind that feeling is related to emotions and is not the same as intuition.

Judgement: The J stands for Judgement, and it means that closure is preferred. Open-ended and unresolved problems and issues are not welcome to the lady INTJ.

Generally, most profiles combine feeling with intuition and thinking with the use of the senses (taste, smell, touch, feeling, hearing). The INTJ is unusual in their combination of intuition and thinking. The result is an individual with a highly developed imagination and the ability to apply detail to visualization, thus bringing into being original and practical solutions.

Other names for INTJs are strategists and system-builders.

When you do the official test, you will have a score. While, for instance, you may be an introvert, the test will reveal what percentage introvert or extrovert you are. I am, for instance, 52% introvert and 48% extrovert. That makes me fore ambivert! I also test out at 52% thinker and 48% feeler.

There are serious psychometric problems associated with the MBTI. For example, one problem that afflicts all typologies is that scores are put into categories. In other words, you are either an Extravert (“E”) or an Introvert (“I). In actuality, personality dimensions are continuous, with persons being more or less extraverted or introverted. Source.

The INTJ individual is best suited to science, and while many believe that the scientist deals only in facts, it is the outstanding scientist who uses imagination to extrapolate possible interpretations of data as well as find commercial and industrial uses for new discoveries.

She develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is well organized. They can analyze (compare this information) with ease as a result of this highly organized structure. They also retain new information with ease. INTJs are highly competent people and are often gifted.

Of all the types in the Myers-Briggs Assesment, the INTJ is the most independent thinker. This means that the INTJ person is not easily influenced or go with the crowd for the sake of ease, being liked, or keeping peace. She is not submissive. For many men who expect to take the leadership position, especially where religion is concerned, this is a huge stumbling block.

It’s no accident that INTJs are excellent writers. They can convey meaning easily and clearly. This is partially because they thoroughly think things through before attempting to explain them, and secondly, it’s because structure is part of their lives. So they’re really good at the structure of language.

INTJ writers include Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Stephen Hawking, Jean-Paul Sartre, James Cameron, Betty Friedan, Susan Sontag, Samuel Beckett, and Lone Frank. While I can’t find any MBTI profile for Robert Heinlein, his writing and ideas suggest he is an INTJ. I’d also include Michael Crichton and Robin Cook.

About ten years ago, I wrote an article on INTJ women, and that article has had more than a million reads since then. It is still going strong. Hundreds of women have responded to it and asked me for more information, so I wrote a more detailed profile in my book entitled The INTJ Woman — A Rare and Lovely Lady. Of course, as its author, I earn a commission on it.

Why INTJ Females are Rare (4)

INTJ woman prefer to work on their own rather than with a team. If she is going to be part of a team, then she has to be the leader. She prefers work that is analytical and where very definite problems can be solved. She does not work to work in a situation where nurturing of others is required. She is, at heart, a scientist.

If the president ordered an INTJ to do something and five minutes into doing it, the INTJ discovered that it wasn’t going to work, s/he would have no issue with changing the plan and going ahead without consulting the powers that be. Even if she knew that the change of plan wouldn’t be very popular and might cost her her job, she would still go ahead and change the plan. That’s because INTJs believe that what they’re doing is right.

Are INTJs right?

Yes. Mostly.

If authority tells them that they are on the wrong track or that they should back off, and the INTJ feels that ‘the boss’ is not right, the INTJ will simply ignore authority and go right on doing what they are doing. This makes them immune to corruption because they are not concerned with either what people think of them or what rewards they get. They are concerned with what will get the system working.

INTJs have little respect for authority. It’s another point in their favour that ensures that they will do what is right. Ninety-six percent of humanity (as Milgram showed shortly after WWII) will do something instructed by authority even when they know it’s wrong. An INTJ will not.

INTJs are rare in that while they know what they know, they also know what they don’t know. Ask most people a question and there will always be an answer, even if they don’t know what they are talking about. Ask an INTJ a question and they will either give you the right answer or they will say, “I don’t know.

So is the INTJ lady intimidating to those around her? She can be — but only because her serious demeanor is misunderstood.

INTJs can fit into other classifications as well. They do not have identical points of view or values on all things. For instance, while most INTJs will tend towards atheism, not all will, and some have strong religious beliefs. They are also the most likely to be skeptics and humanists. Some will be warriors while others will be pacifists. Their interests can vary, and they can sometimes thrive in ‘people-jobs’ like marketing and sales. It just depends on whether they have developed those skills or not.

Female INTJs don’t flirt or join the crowd. They are too private to do that. This does not mean that they have no feelings. They can, and often do, have very intense and deep feelings. It just means that they truly don’t think that their feelings are relevant or anyone else’s business.

In a job situation, INTJs are specially guarded about their feelings. Let’s say that the president has called a meeting about an end-of-the-world scenario. Each person invited to attend is a specialist in their field. One of the female delegates is pregnant, looks ready to give birth, and appears quite green about the gills. Most people in the room will enquire after her health. The INTJ will completely ignore the personal situation (the pregnancy) and instead ask for the report. This gives an impression of insensitivity. As previously mentioned, the strategist, scientist, and/or system-builder (all names for the INTJ) is concerned with the task at hand. However, as women are often expected to be the nurturers and communicators of the community, the INTJ woman is at odds with the norm.

INTJs are the most private of all the different types. As most women tend to share virtually everything of their private lives with other females, the INTJ female runs into difficulties. She will not discuss her private life, gossip about other people, or reveal much about herself to others. Other women take this as a sign of unlikability because, generally, the only reason a woman won’t speak to another woman is because they are disliked. In the case of the INTJ, this is not so. They are just deeply private people and won’t share with many people, friends or foes.

“Unfortunately, a lot of people game the system to claim the “rare” or “cool” type they most want to be.” Source.

You’ll find numerous lists of famous INTJs. Only those lists comprise people who have never actually done the MBTI test (which was invented in 1943). Just because people are quiet, brilliant, arrogant, etc. doesn’t mean that they are INTJs.

The only sure way to tell if someone is an INTJ is have them sit the test and see if that’s their type. It’s highly unlikely, for instance, that Mark Zuckerberg or Hillary Clinton are INTJs. They care too much about money, power, and status. INTJs are not ambitious, and they don’t care about those things.

It’s no surprise that when Google + launched, it was the INTJs who were there first. So in my first fifty or sixty friends, I managed to gain three new female INTJ connections. Normally, to meet three other INTJ women, there would have to be about two thousand women in the room (I’m an INTJ). One of them was Paula Jones, president of Paula E Jones Consulting.

She said the following to me about being an INTJ, “I’ve always felt uncomfortable calling attention to myself — dressing sexy, being very flamboyant, etc., yet I do appreciate honest compliments — I’m just not going to ask for them. I am very good at pulling people together at work to get agreement on things we need to do. I am not the one who divides and polarizes (at work anyway). But I will stand up for what I believe (not a push over). When someone proposes something I really disagree with I will go talk to other participants and get their agreement rather than fight it out in a meeting. I often just won’t comment on posts I disagree with. I’d rather not deal with the drama. Sometimes the comments become overwhelming and I take time off. I like being alone. With books and the Internet, I’m never truly alone. As a matter of fact, I just don’t like drama and have learned to identify it early. Early in life I was drawn to drama, but then I married it and was totally exhausted.”

Personally, I also don’t like discussion and drama. I prefer to work with people who are in agreement with me rather than with people who aren’t. It’s just too much drama. Likewise, if I see a post or come across a world view I don’t agree with, I just won’t comment. I move away. It’s not that I am unaware of that perspective. I just don’t want to spend time discussing something that has already been discussed with other people.

Susan Stone, an INTJ I met in the early days of Google Plus had her own thoughts about being an INTJ. “I tend to be data oriented, and willing to change my stances based on the truth of the data rather than just ideology, and I’m comfortable at working with both the mythic and the scientific, literature and physics. I always seek the truth on the ground rather than trying to make reality fit my biases, and then working from that groundwork. and I tend to be solution oriented and obsessed with process — how things are done, what’s the sequence of events, or steps to get there.”

Grant points out that the test ignores important personality features, such as the ability to stay calm under stress. Moreover, people often get different results when they retake it. Research shows “that as many as three-quarters of test takers achieve a different personality type when tested again,” Annie Murphy Paul writes in The Cult of Personality Testing. Source.

The first time I read through the 40 or 50 pages given to me about being an INTJ, I cried and cried and cried.

The only sentence I saw was “Your Archilles heel is your relationships with others. You will not find them easy.”

From the many comments on my various articles on being an INTJ woman, one response is common place. “I finally found out why I don’t fit in. I have been depressed, unhappy, treated badly, forced to be the way other women are, and I don’t want to be.”

This is the opposite of the response that INTJ men have. INTJ men tend to be happy that they’re the top of the pecking order. They have entire clubs all over the place for INTJ men. INTJ women would like to meet othe INTJ women, but the few places I have seen on the web for INTJ women now comprise women who are not INTJ. They took the ‘unofficial’ tests.

INTJ women tend not to seek the limelight, so your first inkling that someone is not an INTJ is when they want it, when they want ot be the leader of the pack. INTJs do not seek leadership, even though they are leaders.

Why INTJ Females are Rare (5)

The INTJ lady is especially withdrawn in romantic situations. This is a case where the man is going to have to make their feelings obvious at a certain point. There will be no signals coming from the lady. She will, however, be honest.

  • Give them a lot of space. They need it because they like to think.
  • Don’t argue with them. Just give them solid evidence and leave it at that.
  • Be direct. If you are interested, tell them. Don’t play games. Don’t probe. Just tell them. They will appreciate that, and they will give you an honest, direct answer.
  • Friendships and relationships with INTJs take time — a long time. Don’t be impatient.

The INTJ woman is very different to other woman. She relates to others in an intellectual and objective way. She is an independent thinker, and she doesn’t want your advice. She’s highly competent, and when she discovers that you are, too, she will open to you. Of course, an INTJ woman is not everyone’s cup of tea

There are many different tests on the web that supposedly determine your MBTI results. Unfortunately, they aren’t accurate. The test was created in 1943, and until a few years back, only .8% of females tested INTJ. Now, as a reuslt of all these tests on the web, every second woman is an INTJ.

No, they’re not.

The only test that will tell you whether you are an INTJ is the official one.

The Myers Briggs foundation provides the official 93-question test designed by Myers and Briggs and based on Jung’s personality types, the one you might take at your workplace. Because they hold the copyright and require that a trained and certified professional translate the results for you, this test is not free — it usually costs about $50. Although you will find other tests online, even if they’re based on the official assessment, they’re not the same as the Myers-Briggs.

The only way to be absolutely certain whether you are an INTJ is to take the official test.


List of comments from INTJ women from an article that I deleted after it had more than one million readers.

DeeNherDobes on July 08, 2020:

TY, TY, TY. In my research, i spent many years attempting to define my differences. MBPT answered many questions for me when i finally received the designator. INTJ, not a limiting designator at all. Can be difficult to live with others as i simply prefer a very short list of humans in my life. It certainly is not a dull existence! Keep sharing and you’ll find more of us. I’m pleased to have knowledge that there are more of us coming out of the woodwork at a time when solutions are so definitely needed for humanity. We need our own think tank. Any suggestions on the creation of one, or if it exists, may i come and play?

Wentworthville on July 02, 2020:

This site is brilliant, thank you for your work!

Katey 42 on July 02, 2020:

Great article, thank you! I”m new to the MBTI thing but holy cow that explains a lot.

Lokismall on June 03, 2020:

So how do we INTJ Females express ourselves and not be called MRS Spock, or over explainers? Whats the best rule book for dealing with people who make NO sense at all and are always contradicting themselves but won’t acknowledge it?

thisdopelife on March 18, 2020:

Tessa -

There are numerous aspects of this article & the comments following it that make me doubt your own ability to accurately type the traits and behaviors of an INTJ female. You state that you’re a 52% introvert, 48% extrovert & a 52% thinker, 48% feeler. These numbers make me wonder whether when you describe how an INTJ woman acts, you are tapping into your ENTJ or INFJ woman side. What makes you so confident of your INTJ status? Multiple tests from different sources?

You mention you’ve done this for many years & I agreed with many aspects of your article, but the comments you respond to several people with in the past two years have me second guessing. For example, you say INTJs are natural-born leaders. I believe this comment needs far more details included … such as INTJs take on leadership well when necessary, but do not immediately step up to the plate & prefer to see other personalities lead when possible. However, if an INTJ sees the necessity for a leader, they’ll do it. Some personalities love to take the leadership & are very good at it — ENTJs and ENFJs for example.

I see an important distinction here between your response & mine because there is an important difference in taking leadership for leadership sake and taking leadership out of necessity. Do you agree?

Wyndedunnyl on December 16, 2019:

Even as a little girl I was better soothed with evidence than reassurance. For example, I remember spilling sugar all over my babysitter’s kitchen table and becoming hysterical for fear I would get in trouble. Several of her kids tried to tell me it was ok, not a big deal, etc., but it didn’t work. It wasn’t until one kid demonstrated the easy cleanup with a table broom that I stopped crying. Presto!

Drama drives me nuts too. I can hear my co-workers gossiping every morning and it’s so distracting that I have to turn on a fan to drown it out. Other women are tough for me, even thinking types, but they tend to be overall easier to deal with than feelers, but at least Fe types tend to try to be nice enough. (My closest female friend is an INFJ). I don’t mind being wrong so long as you don’t let me stay wrong. I crave feedback and understanding, but like anyone else I don’t want to be treated like an idiot. Thanks for this post.

Boudicca le Duckel on December 05, 2019:

My goodness! Ms Schlesinger! Your article has changed my life. Just wow. Not just me, it changed my best friend’s as well; he is a dysfunctional genius. He is the only person that gets me and that I can discuss anything/everything with. He is actually mad at me now because he can’t try to change me anymore. He could not believe the words on the page either; as far as the exact description of me.

I was just floored as I read. I could not have written a more perfect description of myself. It was really enlightening and world-changing for me.

I love being alone but for too long I was pulled by that societal norm that I needed to have a partner and more friends. I am finally getting to the point where I can completely except myself for who I am and this article makes me proud instead of worried that my constant focus on reason is not an option. I can now understand that most others just don’t use reason and my constant pleas have no effect. What a relief; for them and me!

INTJs are pattern recognizer. We like the Big Picture. We gather facts, evidence, and statistics and build a big puzzle in our minds of how the World works. Facts we find interesting will be grabbed and placed into the puzzle. The older I get the more complete the puzzle and the easier it is to understand new information. This article is one of those milestone puzzle pieces for me. I have fit it into its proper place in my mind and life is a little brighter now.

I am also excited that I can go study the profiles of others now that I see how accurate MBTI is. This stuff can really help with understanding others.

Thank you Ms. Schlesinger! I will go read your book now.

I also listened to the Car Model of an INTJ. Also a stunning lesson for me. If anyone is interested go look that up. It is a helpful way to understand MBTI.

marylli on October 27, 2019:

Preference for thinking is amazing at analytical work, but not so much in relationships. I don’t get on with other women, they find me weird or indifferent or whatever, even when I try very hard to fit in. So I live on my own without any meaningful friendship. I am not 30 yet so I don’t care that much I hope some day I will find like-minded people. I have ISTJ sister she is smart but I can’t talk to her about my ideas, theories, she likes just practical, tangible things. SF temperament is the worst for me and sadly most women are SF type. I guess feeling means liking working with people, thinking means liking working with things. Because most women are SF types they are nurses, teachers, nannies, hairdressers and that’s why they earn less than men. I have read than INTP females have the least gender earnings gap and women’s salary is almost the same as men’s. I would rather be unemployed than become hairdresser or nanny voluntarily !

marylli on October 26, 2019:

I have read study that INTP women are the least liked of all I guess INTJ women have almost as hard as INTP females.Of course I am INTP, but I can relate to 90% or more comments on this site. I think that most ‘thinking’ women have problems in life because most of women are feelers. Introverts have harder than extroverts especially in the most extroverted country — USA. And I think that people over 130 IQ have also harder than ‘normal’ people. I am quite lucky because all my close family is full of thinking, high IQ intellectual types, but talking to other people is hard. Especially women seem so insecure, compliant, sweet, children-like, submissive and outright retarded sometimes… and their relationships problems OMG I can’t listen to their sh*t about relationships anymore. Long time ago I was feminist and believed in equality but I have realised that most females are average IQ ISFJ and ESFJ and have no inclination towards abstract thinking and creation and they always will be victims of so-called patriarchy, because of their 1950 wife submissive nature.Oh, I disgress…so INTP, INTJ females have very hard in life it is sad truth we are almost like aliens. Sorry for my English I come from small retarded country from Europe.

Jana Greenberg on October 20, 2019:

Hello fellow INTJs! While it was interesting and very informative to read about the INTJ personality, it was much more liberating to read the comments of real human beings for whom these character traits are personal. At the age of 30 I had an identity crisis. I thought “could it be a middle age crisis?” After all it IS possible to reach it at 30.

But it wasn’t. I just could not fit into any group and that non-belonging was not very pleasant. My retired psychotherapist neighbor straightened my mind in 10 minutes! One simple phrase “you are an amazing person, you should not try to fit in, other people should consider it a true gift should you choose to be friends with them” fixed me for years to come. 10 minutes and my better life began. I learned that other people’s opinion of me is non of my business. I am very fortunate to have one true friend and I am happy.

While we can be most diplomatic in our interactions with people we must understand that people get intimidated by our mere presence and our outlook on life. I am confident that many great independent thinkers and pushers of the progress of the civilization are in fact INTJs. You cannot be one of those people and be a part of the herd. On the top of the mountain there is not much space for herds, but for single individuals or that limited number of people united by the same idea.

Casieforever on August 08, 2019:

I did the test thanks to one guy who with utmost fascination said that i might by an intj. I coudnt understand the system so that I started to draw a graph based on his explantations. he started to laugh and said that is exactly what an intj would do.

so dear ‘’fellow’’ intjs. I was rejected by all of my peers and teachers and also my mother since kindergarten. I still fondly remember when some kids allowed me to play with them at the age of 4 or 5. it never happened for the next 25 years of my life. the moment i started to play with them i realized that I finally have a sense of belonging and a role in a group, but something was missing. it was like my body became an ant in the anthill, and i was performing some function without using my brain. I stopped playing with them and came back to my imaginary world.

Other kids kept avoiding me throughout all the school years. some boys were graciusly given the role of clown or whatever in the class, and I was jealous of that. I was given none. I just didnt exist. I wasnt allowed to talk. if I managed to make a friend, the moment this person saw what is my position in the group, stopped talking to me immediately and never talked to me again, or in secrecy outside, when there was no witness. when I was 10 one boy said that such as me should be eliminated. this was in a group work with a school psychologist. then I answered that I am an inner-directed self-reliant unit who doesnt need others company, support or help. and there was this deep silence, including this poor psychologist, haha.

at that time I was still very strong and independent. but then, something started to crumble. at high school nobody talked to me for almost 3 years. I felt devastated. I started to feel despair and developed many psychosomatic symptoms. I felt so lonely that it almost felt like a physical pain in my body. I felt weak and defeated. as a child i had many protective defences and never lost hope. but as i was growing up, people’s hatred finally found its way to me psyche and body. as a result, I developed an alternative reality where I could project all my feeling and thoughts. I also have many friends there, whom I talk to, love or hate. I live in this reality on daily basis, and for me its as real as anything could be. Its like a key of sanity that I put in a secret room and locked forever, which helps me to never give up. however, I am shadow of my former self. I am timid, shy, insecure, unassertive, and everbody is using that for their won benefit. I have

a very poor health, but nothing concrete was ever found. Everyday I read about global conflicts, psychology, social issues (my hobby), ecology, and try to understand the world that does not want to understand me. I tried not to be hunted by memories and try to behave like everybody else, which starts to work. but from time to time i feel this piercing pain and would burst into tears for no reason. And I feel very lonely and dream of a person with whom I could share my happy and sad moments.

Kayl2121 on June 19, 2019:

I appreciate what you’re doing here, and it could be helpful for similar people to hear about MBTI helping your feelings of being weird or misunderstood. But the article and some of the author response comments are rife with problems associated with the online MBTI community. You have armchair psychologists expounding how great MBTI is, while the whole theory and assessment are not scientifically reliable or valid. Which is fine, it could be used for fun, but should not drive a significant part of your identity or self image because it is bogus according to psychological scholars or researchers. Unfortunately people become attached to the descriptions, which honestly are more like stereotypes. These same people tend to get purity complexes about their types where they get upset when another person, say a fellow INTJ, doesn’t fit their own subjective and arbitrary criteria for INTJs. For example, saying the blanket statement of INTJ women not wanting children is a desire not covered by MBTI theory. Do not use this as if your personal experience constitutes the entire type. Your pregnant woman example, while I understand the intention, is again too specific of a scenario, yet you’d use it to type someone (a determination entirely unrelated to any MBTI assessment questions). Also, typing someone based on a short comment in response to an article is ridiculous as it could not possibly provide enough information. A better psychological assessment is the Big Five, as it is considered valid in legitimate social sciences research, unlike MBTI.

julie dawn55 on May 26, 2019:

Wow. This fits to the point it made me uncomfortable. Hmmmm

MelissaStorm29 on May 21, 2019:

Thank you for sharing your insight on INTJ .

I really needed this at the moment. As much as I like to be alone most of the time , I do not like to feel lonely.

I cant explain how I can walk in a room and “see” things that others cant , which does seems like common sense to me. How a “ meeting of the minds” can take hours , when it can problem solved in half the time.

How can I connect with other INTJs? I am 48 now and would love to be in a convo with other like minded people, for the sake of my sanity! ;)

Abigail Hreha from Oregon on May 17, 2019:

Love this! I’m an INTJ woman married to an INTJ man. When my husband was in community college learning about all this stuff his prof. told him not to marry me because I’m an INTJ. I’m so glad he did! LOL. No one understands me as well as another INTJ. So little needs explaining.

Terry Robertson on May 10, 2019:

I tested as an INTJ female about five years ago. I have found it to be a blessing and a curse. For so many years, I wondered why I had such a struggle with different relationships. How could it be that I had such a different opinion about almost everything from anyone I know. My results and learning the traits explained so many things for me.

But at the same time, traits that I don’t possess, I thought well maybe the test was wrong. But one trait that is more outward to me is analyzing before reaching a conclusion. Like one of the responses noted, we all have different backgrounds that we are coming from. I enjoy these articles because I can learn more about why I am the way I am. But I feel just fine about not having certain traits.

We have a rare personality, but I like the idea that not completely conforming to the traits of that personality makes me even more rare.

At the risk of being told I cannot be INTJ, because some of my thoughts are incomplete, I wanted to share even though I am short of time. I have loved getting to know this information because it has helped me understand myself a thousand times better than I did prior. But I refuse to fit into a box of what i am or am not expected to believe or act like. Yes, I just ended that sentence incorrectly, but am not quite sure of the perfect grammar.

darkphoenix14 on May 09, 2019:

I came across this article by chance but glad that I did. I have to say that as an INTJ female, I agree with Ms. Jone’s statement about drama and solitary. I love it. My husband who is an ENTP/ESTP found it hard to always relate to my need for solitude, even around the kids. I just need space and become grumpy if I do not have it. When I was younger I loved being involved in drama but marrying my husband has its own shared drama which has put me off from other people’s drama. It drains me. Anyone who shows the slightest amount of emotional output or lack of containment, I stay away.

It is quite sad as an INTJ female, and it took me a while to come to terms with it, because unless you know what to look for and explore your own mind, you will feel like this need to fit in just for the sake of fitting in. As a child, I was always the eccentric one or the extremist. No one could ever relate to me on a level that I needed them to relate to me. So I was always cast out and it hurt. I never displayed any emotions but it stung. It’s not until I got older that I stopped caring and began to study astrology and Myer-Brigg personalities that I realized why I was the way I was and that it was perfectly fine. We’re the ones who get the job done when no one else will. It doesn’t matter if you agree with it or not, because it’s for the greater good.

I am proud to be an INTJ and glad to be who I am. I have learned to be extremely selective with those who do not share the same sentiment as I do. It’s saved me a lot of heartache and disappointment. I am curious how an interaction between other INTJ females would be like. I wonder if we’d all get along. lol

LemonGrove on April 22, 2019:

Thanks Tessa, I think you did an excellent job. You summed up my thoughts on that scenario perfectly. Think KitKat must have eaten some sour grapes that day. I would be rather annoyed if any person came to a meeting when they knew they were ill and weren’t intending on hiding it. I’d see that as intentional attention seeking and rather quite annoying. P.S. I’ve had 5 pregnancies.

Jain Shalini on March 18, 2019:

Thank you Ma’am.I can completely relate. I am just wondered as I read the complete article as if someone has read my mind and drafted it in page. I sometimes feel it difficult to survive with unique characteristics but inside i feel so happy because I know I posses different master qualities.

Thank you so much for providing direction and as I was not into such MBTI things before but this read makes me feel really comfortable.

(Pardon for grammar and puctuations)

Again thanks a lot

Sending love from India

KitKat93 on March 07, 2019:

While it’s great to read positive things about this personality type, I also wonder if this article doesn’t contribute to a lot of misunderstanding. Writing that an INTJ would not notice a sick pregnant woman during a crisis meeting supports some misconceptions I commonly have encountered. Chiefly, the idea that being naturally lower in empathy means having none and the idea that preferring to keep emotions private, while also being subtle in the external expression of them, means lacking them.

Being viewed as robotic (emotionless) and unconcerned with others (low in empathy) makes it more difficult to work successfully in group settings and sets an INTJ in leadership up for a much harder time than a personality who is more naturally imbued with people skills.

While there are many wonderful things about this personality type, we set ourselves up for a harder time when presenting the personality type as a know-it-all or borderline psychopath by nature.

Danielle Popovits from Traverse City, MI on February 27, 2019:

This is a great analysis of the INTJ female. I’m an INFJ myself so although one might think they are similar since three of the four acronyms are the same they really are quite different. The N (intuition) and the F (feeling) in an INFJ make for a more spontaneous or dare I say — emotional reactor. It is also quite rare to be an INFJ. Thank you for sharing what you have learned!

KitKat93 on February 04, 2019:

Hi, Nicole Achim.

Have you considered Borderline Personality Disorder or Histrionic Personality Disorder?

I’m intrigued that you’re an INTJ and didn’t check your spelling or grammar. You must be distressed indeed. You can be both a rare personality type and mentally unwell; it happens to more than just one of us. :)

I found the article very helpful and enlightening. It’s written from a much more positive and uplifting perspective on the INTJ personality than I typically see. I’ve enjoyed reading it and discussing it with my social media connections on Facebook; one of my great aunts even commented that she’s also an INTJ. How delightful!

Nicole Achim on December 05, 2018:

I enjoyed the extra.detail added abouut how a INTJ woman treats romantic relationships. That isnt as clearly illustrated in other blogs and postings.

I think, since INTJ women are so rare, the “outline” description isnt always a rule. And we INTJ women, as well as every personality type, should push ourselves to understand something important. Every childhood is different and circ*mstances do affect approach.

In order to better protect myself, i would constantly look for a perfect approach to interact with others. I taught myself social skills. I could notice my weaknesses from a young age and so i kept focusing rather on improving them. Ive been looking through these forums in order to perfect my subject choices for university next year. I am 26. I have perfected intergrating into society without anyone knowing im an introvert or that i have had a difficult life. I have mastered the art of deflection. I only speak of personal experience to help the next person. I dont enjoy it. But its not a wise move to be unaproachable. We have extraordinary minds. We can smile and greet someone. It may make a difference. Especially if that person is an emotional person and was having a bad day. Its boring, yes. But your mind can multitask. And you can train the body to appear friendly. Dont get me wrong. I dont really have any friends (which Im very happy with) But, it is wiser to be friendly. People lower their bariers and you can read a situation more clearly.

Ive decided to finally comment because everyones comments have become predictable. For 26 years, my family have been asking what is wrong with me. I have consulted therapists, been thrown into mental hospitals and been incorrectly diagnosed, to this day. Through all this i found myself looking at a severe problem. The mind is not understood by the supposed healers.

Because being thrown into the wrong mental ward with drug addicts and people who refused to take their medication — who saw no therapist, only nurses who forced us to behave according to an extremely small minded veiw of how we are meant to behave — I learned invaluble information on the mind. I “acted” according to whomever i spoke with as though we were the same(a trick i learned to protect and collect data more effectivly from a young age)

And i saw positive results as i experimented with theories. It ended up being very rewarding.

As INTJ’s, we should not view any limitations. Because there are none. We should study and do things that will make us uncomfortable and are a challenge. Because a lot is really easy for us…

Im not an Atheist. Because… its too easy. Its much harder trying to comprehend that which cannot be comprehended. If something is too hard to make sense of, im in my element.

I like dressing up on occasion. I like cutting and styling my own hair.

I have my own style, it doesnt have bright colours…. but its not black and plain. Its both girly, tomboyish and practical. I like to dress according to my mood and personality. Because I am hard to understand, I wear it loudly.

I love fantacy. I like looking past the the imagery of something not of this world and try to unpick the mind — which so eloquently painted their view point and his/her own emotions insecurities, hopes, dreams, there secrets. Its a fun puzzle game.

The core of an INTJ will be the same. However, we all have our own angles and are still different.

We are picky. But the male/ female. Steriotypes need to shut down. Its annoying. I like to decorate my space in a particular way…and change it frequently. I will find a use for anything as waste is, well… a waste and i can exercise my creativity.

I honestly couldnt care what the lable is. I just wanted two answers. What to study, and an explaination of “whats wrong” with me so my family can get off my back and listen to me. Because I am so close to a seamingly “Random” outburst because I have no space and im being criticized constantly for doing things my way, completely disregarding their methods. Because their methods arent good enough and will cause future problems.

I think, personally, it would be nice to connect with other INTJ women. It would be nice to feel understood, but more importantly i really want opposing conversation that has been thought through to the depth and detail i have thought it through. I dont want confirmation. I want a challenge. But i like having those conversations in person because typing is irritating.

I do appreciate this posts extra detail. However, my only critique, find INTJ women with different “kwirks” first. Then have a discussion about the differences. Ask why and how it came to be. Sharing personal information for a greater cause is easy. Just talking about ones life, for the sake of talking is a waste of thought, mental space and time.

Its not a therapy group. Its a study group for more depth. Because ive BEEN researching! More detail needs to be expressed for the sake of INTJ women and for OTHER people to also learn. A space where we explain how we differ from the “guidline” of how we are described and why, what lead us there. We already innately know ourselves. We shouldnt look for a gold star. We should raise awareness. It might help a lot of children and parents better assist and parent. It will help schools, businesses everyone if awareness of who each person is, and how to best communicate with each personality we come across and which approach to take.

Some people are just being medicated for their personality. I lost track of time and didnt sleep for three days, i was talking to myself and got lost in a debate with myself and all the paradoxes of every beleif and religion. Trying to mathematically simply it all down and find an abstract approach to blend them together. I had fun. I have adhd and insomnia. So, I had a great time. And others would view this as crazy. While they’re doing the types of drugs that leave permanent damage.

Instead of saying the basics of INTJ’s we need to dive into this personality with more depth. For the sake of our sanity and privacy and peace.

Tell me how do my family accept that there isnt anything wrong with me and im not throwing them away or depressed because i like spending so much time in seclusion. And their assumptions about why, are annoying. Inaccurate and insulting. And ofcourse they dont understand how its insulting. Because they fail to think about what they are saying or hearing it.

Luckily Im not going to stay with them any longer and I will go back to living on my own.

But, guys… we need more depth. Not for us to understand ourselves… so others can be taught.

Think of the children guys. So many parents need to be educated because, I’m in south Africa. Smaking your child is not illegal. And respect is something that older people are owed. And it cannot be questioned. So…that would be of use.

Just an idea. I’m working a different angle. I dont post things in general.

TigerLyn on November 08, 2018:

DanielleJF, I’m a INTJ, RN. I’m retired now but I worked ICU/CCU….most of my patients were too sick to talk. Perfect for us INTJ types.

Danielle JF on October 20, 2018:

I just went back to school for a Masters’ Degree and for my first class I had to take the Jung Personality Test. Wouldn’t you know! I am INTJ and all of a sudden, I understand why I am the way I am. I’m not a freak after all. One thing I’d like to know though. Are there any INTJs out there who are nurses? I feel like I’m a work in contradiction. I like being a nurse but I also often feel like I can’t deal with people. It seems though that most everything said about INTJ is true in my case. Tessa, thank you for this article. Any thoughts on the nursing thing?

SuzAnne67 on July 13, 2018:

I am a 50 years old INTJ. My Introverted scores are about as high as you can get. That does not mean that I hide from life. Instead, after my adventures with other humans, I go home to my quite space and recharge and relax. I wake up everyday knowing that I am unique, I am misunderstood, and that I make people uncomfortable. So I use these natural talents to the best of my ability. I was a science teacher for 18 years. I moved to the job of principal where I am very good at analyzing teachers, students, data, schedules, rules, regulations, budgets, and parents. I do the right thing regardless of external pressures. I am an advocate for my students and what is best for them. I do not like parts of my job, parts of my job I love. What I am saying is the label is not a limitation. Yes, I usually dress in black and where no makeup but once in a while dress up. I love fantasy novels but I get obsessed with research.

Foxyglove on June 02, 2018:

I love how all of the comments I’ve read so far are well-written.

It is hard at times being an INTJ female, but I would not have it any other way!

RachaelK on March 12, 2018:

I’m a female INJT. I started researching my personality type because I knew I was a bit different than the average person. People don’t understand how I can be both creative and logical. I think architect is a perfect description of what it like for my brain. I envision things I want to create, and I understand that it takes a practical or mathematical way to achieve it. One of my hobbies is sewing and it fits beautifully into this. I love thinking about creating things and following the engineering and math to make it happen.

I definitely like planning and order, but I feel like it gets mischaracterized as being “close minded”. I like how its pointed out that INJTs are actually very open minded. their main concern is what will be successful, and for that reason they will adopt whatever idea they feel is best. That is exactly how I operate. We are open to new ideas that are valuable. Not the case for others.

I do feel like this type is a paradox that others don’t understand. creative and open minded, yet adhere to planning. I definitely don’t automatically abide by authority either.. I make my own judgement on it. I questioned things early in life and am an atheist.

One other pecular trait I have is that I found I do not prefer to read or watch fiction of any sort. I much prefer Non fiction over everything else. I’m wondering if this is the case for other INJTs

JohnENFP on March 01, 2018:

Here trying to learn about INTJ women, where they congregate, and how to go about meeting them. As rare as they are, I figured some due diligence is in order.

Glen Rix from UK on February 26, 2018:

Couldn’t resist clicking on this article because my tests have revealed that I am INTJ. The comments that the article has elicited are interesting. I’m going to print it so that I can look at it in more closely when I have more time to do so.

lizgeri on February 08, 2018:

Hey Tessa from SA, found your comments on death more interesting than most. Not the strange co-incidences you described, from an evolutionary point of view our brains always subscribe some mysticism to unexplained phenomena or mere co-incidence. We create explanation’s to reduce our fear and I can see how that is rational as if we think we understand perhaps we can control. We also have a romantic part of humanity that perhaps likes to suggest the unexplained or mystical.

What I found more interesting was the lack of ego that often prevents us from acknowledging the most probable future we all have. “My god, we are so amazing and individual how could we possibly cease to exist”. I suspect we will all probably cease to exist in any form. This may seem depressing to some, but I like Tessa’s acceptance of this.

Vanya on December 17, 2017:

I used to be an INTP, but now I think I’m more likely an INTJ (based on my recent test result). But it would be great if you make another article about INTP Women :) Thank you Tessa!

Beth on December 11, 2017:

I’m an INTJ female surrounded by other INTJ females (and males too). I work in academia, and we’re all over the place! You’ll also find us working in libraries. I’ve surveyed about twenty colleagues whom I admire and over half are INTJs. I rarely feel out of sorts… I’m surrounded by bookish women who generally ignore each other because we’re lost in thought, and the great thing is, nobody is offended.

Unfortunately it’s a problem when we have directives to accomplish — too many independent thinkers and not enough followers sometimes.

Mrina on October 26, 2017:

Great article and perfectly correct. I also don’t agree with the person who thinks Michelle Obama is dressing nicely just to get attention.

I’ve been a solid INTJ my whole life and in my late 20’s, discovered that I look and feel amazing in beautiful sexy clothing. Why not celebrate that aspect of my life? I celebrate every other aspect of this short existence, leaving one thing out because it may not “fit” with introversion (an incorrect assumption) is silly. I’m still an introvert, but I naturally get attention when I wear nice things- I’m not LOOKING for attention, I’m just wearing what allows me to explore a new aspect of myself.

Bottom line is INTJ’s love all sorts of things in this world and they explore them intellectually as well as by having experiences. We are formidable women!

Cathy Koziol, Entrepreneur on October 03, 2017:

As an INTJ (scientist as architect), I am offended that Michelle Obama is featured as a high profile model of a female INTJ on this website. I absolutely do not think that she is an example of an INTJ and hope to see her image replaced with another black or other minority woman in the future. Presenting Obama as a high profile INTJ is harmful to women as it generates more confusion about a personality type that is among the most difficult to understand in the extroverted workforce of the U.S.

Michelle Obama has clearly gravitated towards high profile politics in the limelight and there were numerous events in which she used lavish fashion to draw increasing attention to herself. That is not characteristic of an introverted personality. To best support my position, I will rely upon an example. I have never been a follower of Obama, but there was one random televised event in which I had the opportunity to clearly see her personality. She held a press conference immediately following a return flight where we watched the Clint Eastwood movie, American Sniper, which is based on the “Autobiography of the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history,” according to Wikipedia. She adamantly implied with pride that this motion picture is about an American hero who clearly deserves to be exonerated as a model of heroic military behavior. Overall, her attitude was purely political and implied: I fully endorse this motion picture and the hero, Chris Kyle, and therefore expect my following to also support this.

The issue here is not her position. The issue is her behavior in a larger context that clearly demonstrates that this behavior is not characteristic of an INTJ. Just prior to her flight experience, the mainstream press was filled with articles about the movie analyzing Chris Kyle. This generated controversy about whether this most lethal sniper should be regarded as a model for U.S. military behavior, and the dialogue was very good and unusually intellectual. During the press conference, her behavior indicated that such intellectual dialogue should be ignored and that her own opinion was what really mattered, deserving support and a following of.

This is not the behavior of an INTJ. First, unless the INTJ is a military behavior expert, he or she would most likely avoid getting involved with such controversy. An INTJ would not allow a spectatorial, political opinion, aimed at complete disregard for intellectual analysis, to be elevated to a much higher level. In fact, the INTJ, as thinking processor, would be attracted to the intellectual analysis as stimulus for an intellectual journey, which they always love as an engaging challenge to arrive at the final, correct judgment. Obama’s behavior was actually trampling on that intellectual journey. Please replace her image with another minority woman who is truly a model of an INTJ.

#ThatOtherZuluGirl on September 21, 2017:

I came across this test at a point of a “finding myself” period in life. Ive come to call myself #thatotherZulugirl because I have noticed I am not normal just the other one that most people do not understand me and I fail at having to explain myself everytime I’m with a new group of people. The fact that I also do not like being out there does not help my social life too, which I am happy with.

I do not like conflict or worry or anything hasty… because I have the calm and wisdom to understand the end result or consequences. Most people get frustrated with me and it does worry me when its my loved ones. I have left a job because I did not want to comply to what the big boss likes and I would do it again. I live in SA and most people do not believe me when I say I have not paid a bribe to a traffic officer when stopped for driving over speed limits.

I grew up excelling in science and maths but did not study it further in exception to human sciences. I love social science, love reading peoples views, criminal minds, analysing peoples behaviours, preempting their reactions etc. I must be honest and say I do use this intellect to strategise and manipulate situations. Oh yes, I also have a huge storage of information that I would not ever use again, my friends always tease me about wasting my brains storage space.

I have a nurturing nature being a Zulu married mother of 3, which tends to conflict when I instinctively have to define myself as a person, not a mother, wife or big sister. My parenting skills are different, a stubborn and not so submissive Zulu wife). Also, if I had to say all this (instead of writing it down) I would utter only one sentence.

Thank you for this article, its very insightful and I’m happy to finally know, I’m 1/4 normal.

Demi Rasmussen from Pacific Northwest on September 20, 2017:

A thought on the convergence of giftedness and INT personality types: the intelligence is inborn, and from infancy we take pleasure in how it operates. This leads, to some degree, to introversion, as the interesting stuff that gives pleasure is going on in our heads. While still young, we hypothesize from past experience (an iNtuitive process) and are delighted when our hypothesis turns out to be true. If we verify that with our Thinking, the personality preferences that develop are INTP, since Ps prefer their perceptive process — in this case iNtuition. Or, we enjoy putting thoughts together (Thinking) and drawing conclusions from how well the concept flies in reality (J). We store up those verified Thinking experiences to draw upon in the future, the iNtuitive process. BTW, learning reliably triggers the brain’s pleasure receptors. In both cases, the pleasure we take from our intellectual process reinforces the developing personality preferences for giftedness.

Theresa on August 28, 2017:

Was going to post something regarding my personal experiences and feelings about being an INTJ female. But, then I decided it was irrelevant.

Wendy Newton on July 22, 2017:

Yes as an INTJ I admit to most of the behaviours mentioned when I am interested in someone for either friendship or romance.

Jackie T. on July 12, 2017:

I am 50 years old and have just taken my first MBTI assessment. It was one of the free online assessments but it is scarily accurate!

However, I am also a people-pleaser who worries about what others think of me. I’m not sure how this fits into the profile? I was raised in a home with an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. Perhaps this has something to do with the people-pleaser tendencies?

Any insights?

Also, I do have feelings ;)

blackberrystone from United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland on June 25, 2017:

I’m female and consistently ‘INTJ’ on these tests. I’m academically pretty capable (always done well in fact) but have never scored high on raw IQ tests, only in exams. I am not mathematically minded to save my life, although I have a scientific career.

I think there is a lot to be said for the ‘pragmatic’ part of being an INTJ and how one adapts. For instance I know how much happier I am with friends — my friends all like to hug, like to make small talk etc. — and as I’ve grown older, I now also like those things because they’re a connection between me and my friends. Not because I’m interested in small talk at all, or that I’ve suddenly become a big fan of physical intimacy, but because I know it’s a way that I’m connecting with my (small!) group of friends. Equally I am never rude to people, in fact I think I communicate pretty well, because I know it never pays to be rude. And in fact it’s not even just about pragmatism on this one, I very much value kindness and I consider people who are rude even inadvertently, to lack insight.

Having said that, it’s all a product of A) wanting to be a nice person and B) a hell of a lot of learning on my part to know what to do to achieve that. I’ve learnt how to follow social rules and niceties to try and blend in because it’s genuinely worth it on my part. There are few social rules where it doesn’t make sense because social repercussions are so negative. I struggled with it a lot as a kid, feeling left out and alone, and had a steep learning curve to try and assimilate with the majority.

I’m still nowhere near an average person. I spent most of my life thinking there is something wrong with me, socially, and I still do. I definitely struggle with romantic relationships and for all that I feel extremely competent in most parts of my life, I haven’t the foggiest. I wish every day that I had been born differently because the irony of being socially awkward and introverted is that I actually as an individual really crave acceptance.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if your happiness revolves around being ‘normal’ to a certain degree then you can be that with work. That’s part of being pragmatic, and what are adaptability and problem solving for if not to solve this very big problem! It’s never ‘true’ however and I’ve certainly come to terms with being a bit of an odd fish, and increasingly confident to be so as ultimately, it is *me*.

What I have struggled with a lot is the emotional side of things. I am a very emotional and sensitive person (part of why I’ve worked so hard on my relationships with friends) and I unfortunately somebody extremely important in my life was killed a few years ago. Since when I have really struggled and I don’t know what to do. I have tried seeking counselling — but I just can’t accept it. They want you to open up and talk to people about it, but I don’t know about other INTJs but this is exactly as helpful as hitting my head on the wall. And I’ve really engaged, I’ve told them everything because all I want is to make it easier, but all I do is put myself back into a real state. I would actually be really grateful if anybody knows how is a good way to deal with things, or whether I just have to resign myself to being a bit of a mess forever and hope time. I feel like it’s my personality and perspective which stops me engaging in a meaningful way, I feel like I’m just following orders with no results.

Thanks in advance


K. Lloyd on June 19, 2017:

I just wanted to mention that the Milgram obedience studies showed that 65% of participants were willing to obey completely with administering the max voltage. I’m uncertain where the numbers came from and the statement about an INTJ not complying with authority. While I can imagine this very easily, I’d imagine that many people could imagine that they wouldn’t actually comply if an authority figure asked them to do something questionable.

I wonder, could you link to the study where you got the statistics?

Anna on May 23, 2017:

I’m an INTJ woman as well. I remember that when I was tested I was the only Intj in a group of 100. I would have expected more since it was a room full of software engineers and analysts.

I identify with a lot of things everyone else has said but with a couple differences. I’m very adept at understanding people’s emotions and motivations. I use this ability constantly as a way of getting others to do my bidding (not nefarious just slightly manipulative, and often just a way to help motivate). I’m good at leading people, but never volunteer since I would prefer that someone else have to do the hand holding.

Perhaps the emotional ability was a learned response to my narcissistic ESFJ parent (narcissism as diagnosed by a psychiatrist). I’m often hostage to her emotions, with my own pushed down. She of course did not get treated for her disorder as treatment was no benefit to her. Anyway, I guess I’m trying to find out if anyone else is good at the emotional aspect.

Mckenzie B. on May 19, 2017:

The video on telling if an INTJ is interested is so accurate is painful. Helps me not feel so alone in this miserable dating thing.

NLD on May 11, 2017:

I would like to thank you for the information.

I am 46. I just discovered that a female INTJ. Until now, I thought I was some kind of alien lost on this planet.

I successfully spent much of my life fighting an overtly coercive, judgmental environment full of expectations.

This result comes at a moment when I am rethinking my professional pathway. I often had to compose with earning a living in the “REAL” world and today I am prepare to explore my full potential and abilities for myself and to continue to sustain my family until my children can fly on their own. Thank you once more for these valuable information!

Sarah on April 28, 2017:

INTJ, mother of a 4 year old. I concur that this article is spot on. The one thing I would say though is that it is also important to pay attention to the degree to which you fall into each category, (I.T.N.J), if you are borderline on your I, for example, then maybe some of these points aren’t as relateable.

I have a very hard time relating to other mothers and making mom-friends, though I want them. Being over 40 means that many non-INTJ females that are educated and live in my area are more open and less judgy than when I was younger and I am hopeful that since my child is an off the charts E we can form some bonds. As a mother I do sort of crave that village now, but as an INTJ I am super careful about forming it. Thankfully there are a lot of non-pretentious high-achieving intellectual women with children my son likes…there’s hope and I am growing socially.

leann on April 27, 2017:

On point. I am a female INTJ.

Mel McKny on April 23, 2017:

I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments! As an (female) INTJ, I find these readings incredibly intriguing and satisfying.

I myself, was raised by a mentally ill mother and was tortured and abused by my step-father from age 4–13. Promptly following, I married an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. My point is this; having grown up in a place where my gifts or talents were not only not recognized, but stifled…then playing the role of ‘submissive wife’ for nearly 20 yrs, I am more than thrilled to have found the opportunity to discover my true self and even more so, to celebrate it!

We are truly complex individuals and often misunderstood, however, as I have made it my goal to gain knowledge and understanding of myself, today I fully appreciate and love the unique person that I am!

Finding a forum to express this and share this enthusiasm is just icing on the cake!!

Cheers to us!

Melissa on April 23, 2017:

I absolutely LOVE this article along with the comments and discussion. I only recently discovered my (female) INTJ status and have been wildly intrigued as I have always felt ‘different’ than the vast majority.

I found it interesting that someone brought up the topic of upbringing and childhood bc I was raised by a mentally ill mother and tortured and abused by my step-father from ages 4–13. I know that this has stifled my abilities and caused me to bury what I now know to be ‘rare yet beautiful’ qualities and gifts.

I was also married to an extremely controlling man and had 3 children with him. I ‘played’ the role of submissive wife for far too many years!

Today, I am proud to say that I’m happily divorced and as I near my 40th birthday, I am discovering who I am truly..and it feels AMAZING to be able to appreciate and fall in love with myself! I thoroughly enjoy these articles and sites that speak to our uniqueness, our intensity, and our lovely layers!

Thanks to all who contribute

Justine on April 21, 2017:

A fair relief to have taken the test in various guises and most times come out with INTJ score and otherwise a few times INFJ. I never never knew about this before 4 or so months ago and as I say, what a relief! I very strongly identify with almost everything I read about INTJs. It explains a lot to me about my whole life and thoughts up until this age I’ve reached (45). I liked this article and the interesting comments. About the romance thing, I’m in a relationship of around 25 years and I think the reason is that I get left alone most of the time and ignored by a quite eccentric partner who is crap at talking through anything and at any kind of decision making and conflict. So, traditionally speaking, it’s a sucky and unfulfilling relationship, but from my INTJ perspective, it’s mostly fine and I make my own decisions and get left to think my own thoughts and would likely have not tolerated a more traditional kind of arrangement.

Isabel B. on April 02, 2017:

I’m a female INTJ and this is scarily accurate.

Putri on March 25, 2017:

Well, I’m proud to be INTJ’s girl. Thx for sharing

Melanie Palen from Midwest, USA on March 09, 2017:

Really interesting! I’m an ENTP, so not particularly rare at all, but I think it’s fun to learn about the other personality types, so thank you for writing this. Very awesome!

Mslisak on February 25, 2017:

Carolina — I’m sure have a point to your post but I’m sorry to say it escapes me.

Carolina on February 24, 2017:

Interesting to note also that Women with INTJ were inborn and they have it developed from within their structure and personality. Hey I would like to share this new fake ultrasound design from fakeababy. The best for gags and the best gift ever. It is amazing and so funny. Check it now.

Yuan Ling on February 08, 2017:

INTJ here saying that this is highly accurate.

Mslisak on January 20, 2017:

Regarding trying to explain to others why we are like we are, I would be very careful whom you chose to discuss this with. People hear what they want to hear and you can’t control how they interpret what you tell them. They may feel you are merely making excuses for your behavior. They may even see your explanation as a confession of some sort of personality disorder. In a work situation, this can present a real problem because the slightest hint of “personality disorder” can sabotage a career.

Tanya White on January 19, 2017:

INTJ Female….the world is my oyster, but sometimes it forgets the champagne sauce! I wonder if there are similarities in childhood and upbringing? If anyone would like to discuss this further, please drop me a note!

Danielle B. on January 18, 2017:

I’m an INTJ female. In college, I took the test in a Personalities course, and the teacher was a certified tester. Once I began looking up the personality traits, it all began making sense. I always thought I was so weird for not acting like other girls and women. My poor mother growing up had no idea what to do with me. I was overly shy, didn’t always make friends easily, would argue if I didn’t think something made sense, and was happiest lost in books on my favorite topics (at the time, dinosaurs and whales, hahaha). Once I realized I was an INTJ, it all made perfect sense! I was so happy to find out I wasn’t abnormal, just rare.

Petra Dehmler on January 18, 2017:

Now here’s an interesting twist. I am INTJ and have been in every subsequent test since I was first tested maybe 35 years ago. What I did not know until recently (~6 1/2 years ago), or maybe acknowledge is a better way to put it, was that I was transsexual. So I started out thinking I was an INTJ man, but now I am an INTJ woman. In reading the description, I see that I was an INTJ woman all along. Thanks for this website and I love all the comments. Here’s a refinement on the pregnant woman scenario: I agree that I wouldn’t let her pregnancy or distress affect how I dealt with her except that I would assess her ability to deal factually with the situation in the light of her “distraction”. If it seemed that she was impaired, I would gently ask her to excuse herself, and/or privately ask her to give me a personal assessment of impairment. Others observing might think I was doing that because she was a woman and I could emotionally identify with her, but in fact that would have nothing to do with it. It’s all about ability and capability.

Jill Smythe from South Africa on January 12, 2017:

mslisak — I think you hit the nail on the head — I work for a university where I do technical support for their payroll. Nobody quite understands what I do so they leave me alone to do it. All the deadlines are met and the calculations are correct so I get left in my office to get on with it. In the past I have had jobs which required far more “getting people on my side” and I failed miserably at those.

Mslisak on January 11, 2017:

I found that I could have job success only if I was in the right job. I did very well in an investigative position for a state university. Perfect for me. I worked alone with very little supervision because my bosses had no idea how I worked and only wanted results that recovered money for the university. I am currently retired but I work in my parish running one of the largest ministries in the largest parish in our region. This suits me because, again, I work alone and have very little interference from the church staff. and I can organize to my heart’s content. It really is a matter of being in a job where your INTJ mind works to your employers benefit. Then you are a valuable asset and not a “round peg in a square hole”.

TheUnicornLady on January 10, 2017:

Describes me very well. I am almost 60, and have been fired from 12 of the last 15 jobs I have had over 5 year. Part of it is I am an INTJ who doesn’t fit in with routine work. I do have a bachelors degree. Any ideas for starting over work wise at my age?

My other option is to file for a Social Security Disability because of my depression.

Jill Smythe from South Africa on January 04, 2017:

Ha ha ha — I can just picture some of my colleagues’ faces when I say that to them.

Jill Smythe from South Africa on January 03, 2017:

Lanouveau — totally agree with your point. I have always been regarded as an ice queen because I deal with other peoples problems in exactly the way you described.

I loved your point “Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman’s energy, reassuring everyone else,” because when my husband had cancer that was exactly what happened. Everyone wanted to co-opt my crisis and talk about my feelings. What I needed them to do was babysit, cook meals and clean my house. Only one friend understood that and did what I needed her to do. She was then the only one that I could actually share my feelings and fears with because I knew that she understood how frightening it was for me to be in a situation that I had absolutely no control over. My father-in-law told me that he would phone me everyday to make sure I was coping. I told him not to because I did not have the time or energy to manage his feelings as well. He was very insulted that I interpreted his “caring” gesture as an intrusion.

Do you think we need to try to explain to people that we are not cold and unfeeling, we simply have a more pragmatic approach to life, or do you think they would not understand or care that we have not mastered the social norms?

Lanouveau on January 03, 2017:

One part of your article struck me in particular as how INTJs are misunderstood, which is regarding empathy and kindness. The example you made, of what an INTJ would do, was the pregnant delegate, where everyone else asks after her health and the INTJ wants the report. I agree with the actions 100%, but not the intention. Who is actually being more kind to the delegate? The INTJ! By asking for her report, the pregnant delegate can get her job over with sooner. She can LEAVE sooner, and go and be where she needs to be, for her health! Asking after her health just sucks up the poor woman’s energy, reassuring everyone else, and what is that question ultimately about? It is to make the asker feel like a good person. It doesn’t actually help the woman. If the asker REALLY cared, they would do something practical for her without being asked, not drain the woman with questions, but help her in a concrete way. These kindnesses by INTJs often go unappreciated however, because they show love in a different way than many people want to receive love. Some people get it though, and are relieved.

I had a co-worker having a tough time. She was holding herself together as best she could. I didn’t rock her boat, but was just there supporting however she wanted to handle it. Another co-worker pressed her “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” and she began to cry. She had to go to the back and calm down. I was pissed. Couldn’t she see our co-worker was doing her best to hold it together? Her selfish desire to feel like a good person was at odds with how our co-worker wanted to handle it. BTW: The co-worker and I remained friends for years after leaving those jobs.

aikigrl on December 21, 2016:

Tessa — thank you for your kind words. It was very difficult when I was back at school — I always felt lost at sea and bored out of my mind. Plus the constant comparison to my academically inclined younger sister made me feel stupid well into adulthood. About 20 years ago, I took the official Mensa test just to check that I was at least within the normal range — I was surprised when they offered me membership, as I scored at 146.

After reading this article, I have just reactivated my membership and I am hoping to meet other INTJs at the social events. It’s such a shame that it is only in my 40s that I am now comfortable in my own skin after much counselling and self acceptance.

Mslisak on December 20, 2016:

I have been in counseling to deal with depression and I now realize that I had always been deeply ashamed by my personality. I didn’t know I was simply different as an INTJ. Something, I thought, must be terribly wrong with me because I wasn’t interested in what other girls seemed to be interested in and could never fit in with them. They seemed to sense there was something wrong with me so I stopped trying to fit in- to the point of social avoidance. Continuous childhood parental /family disapproval and lack of affection didn’t help. To them, I wasn’t the little girl they expected. In therapy I learned that I had always focused on the negatives of my personality and had never even considered the positives. And there are positives. I just had to accept them. The world needs INTJs, just not a lot of them. We have an important function. We are the leaders who do the hard things, and make the unemotional, logical decisions. We are naturally great teachers and often the “cooler head” when things go wrong. We can be fair to the point of self-denial because we know that real “leaders eat last”. We have many “gifts” — music, acting, intelligent, writing, leadership, public speaking and all forms of creativity. I am finally awakening to appreciate who I am and it isn’t so bad after all. .

aikigrl on December 20, 2016:

Thank you so much for this article. I’ve always wondered why I am nothing like my female friends and why they seem to have so much difficulty in understanding my logic or my interest in science and logical sequential thinking( I work in the data field ). It got to the point where I just stopped exploring ideas or discuss any subject of substance with them. I took an unofficial test recently and the indication is that I am INTJ and I could just check off the points on your list of characteristics! This also explains why I have had such difficulty in meeting a life partner and have resigned to the idea of being a singleton. At least now I know I am not a freak of sorts…

Mslisak on November 25, 2016:

I always like to know what is meant when words are used that can mean different things to different people. Someone can be a gifted pianist or a gift athlete for example. I think an IQ in the “gifted” category is essential for an INTJ to function in society. They probably use their intelligence to observe others and then role play expected behavior when interacting with them.. At least, that’s what I do. My IQ has been consistently tested at 136 and dealing with other people has always been both a mystery and a challenge for me. For example, I am at a loss when dealing with strong emotions in others. I have had to learn what is expected and then make the appropriate response. I wonder if other INTJs have found they do the same thing.

Mslisak on November 24, 2016:

Tess, what do you mean when you use the term “gifted”? Are you speaking of purely IQ here or a ‘basket” of talents and interests or a combination of all these?

Mslisak on November 22, 2016:

I have always tested INTJ and agree that it reflects my personality. My question is that many of the traits of an INTJ could also be seen as the traits of one of several types of a schizoid personality disorder. How would one distinguish between INTJ and such a personality disorder? The schizoid personality is thought to be a result of early childhood emotional neglect and/or a hostile environment which leads to changes in the brain. Could this also be the case for INTJ?

Christy McKee on November 13, 2016:

Imm an empath and extremely sensitive to energy, energy of others even from afar. Which used to mess with my very logical mind (that I thought is a Virgo personality trait. And i suppose may very well be…?)

didodino on September 08, 2016:

So glad to have come across this article. It explains so much about how I dealt with society from childhood on. There was a clear difference how the relatives sweetly responded to my sister (an ENFJ) whereas clearly spoke to me like they would talk with adults. Clearly I must have had a serious/stern face or was non-responsive to social cues and niceties from childhood on. Even today if I go out to get a haircut or get dinner with my sister or friends with ‘NF/SF’ preferences, I notice how the hairdresser/server talks with them vs me.

As a teen I was usually deep down in my books, academics and host of hobbies (painting and music). I was very much surprised when a childhood friend revealed years later that he was interested in me. Never had a clue! This pattern repeated once more with another friend as I got older. I never understood flirting or courting. Usually the guys I went out with were those I took initiative to talk to. All these cases being point blank about being interested in the idea of the relationship. So un-girly of me but that was my only way to deal with the dating-circus. Interestingly, when watching the series ‘The good wife’ I was surprised at a similar mode of dating putforth by one of the lead characters in the series — Diane Lockhardt’. Upon pondering what her MBTI might be, it was indeed interesting to know she is characterized as an INTJ! I met my life partner at work this way. He is INFP/INTJ (he tests different each time) and definitely someone who truly gets me.

Social circ*mstances are a struggle, be it meeting family or friends or at my kid’s school. People expect me to act in a certain ‘social mode’ as a female. It is exhausting! During parties I clearly do not gel with the women and gravitate either to the corner of the room with a drink or to where some guys hang out. But when it comes to a handful of my friends I really enjoy long, deep conversations about things that matter.


I have removed this story from behind a paywall for your reading pleasure. I would deeply value your kind generosity if you could donate me a few bucks at Ko-fi. Without this income, as I have been blessed with Asperger’s, I have no other way of earning a living.

Why INTJ Females are Rare (2024)


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